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January Challenge… My Awakening Experience and Moving On

15 Jan 14
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I’m participating in a challenge this month organised by Barbara from Me, My Magnificent Self. The participants in this challenge are sharing their awakening experiences. At the end of the challenge Barbara will be producing an E-book containing all of the stories. This will be available on all participating blogs.

So today I’m sharing my journey and awakening experience as my Wisdom Wednesday post…

(c) Megan S, December 2013

(c) Megan S, December 2013

For as long as I can remember I have had the feeling that I didn’t quite fit in where I was. I have always had my share of medical conditions having had asthma and eczema my whole life and I’ve also had my share of negative experience throughout my childhood. My parents divorced when I was still young and my siblings and I went through an extended period of upheaval as a result of this.

I think from a very early age I shut myself off from the world. Not completely, but enough that I could feel reasonably safe. I always struggled to make friends and when I did manage to I conformed with what they were doing but still felt like I was outside of the group looking in, unwanted and alone. These early experiences left me anxious and withdrawn.

When my husband and I first met I went through the same turmoil, but with his patience, support and love I believe I have gotten over my insecurities regarding our relationship and those with our friends and family. Over the past 10 years with my husband I had achieved a lot and finally built up the courage to do the things I thought I’d never do. The problem was I still had this nagging felling in my heart that my life wasn’t complete and I wasn’t really where I wanted to be.

My life was great, I had a loving husband, my health, a job I loved doing and friends and family who love us and support us, but I was still missing something.

In April 2013, my health was taken away from me and I ended up on long term sick leave due to chronic pain and fatigue. Although at first view this seemed like a disaster, as I haven’t worked since then and haven’t been able to go out with friends and family as I would like to, I have tried to see the positive in this situation.

Being unable to do much of anything for the first 4 months or so, and my brain foggy more than 80% of the time, I had a lot of time to think. I decided that this was my opportunity to look at my life and work out what my priorities are to make sure I can live the best life I can.

I have spent the past few months dismantling my life in my mind and trying to work out who I really am and what my real passions are so I can live a purposeful, fulfilling life. I have taken up the practice of daily yoga and meditation which has allowed me to focus for longer periods of time and reduce my pain levels a little. This practice has taught me to listen to my body and my soul and to be more mindful and present in the world around me.

At the moment I am capable of short walks and outings as long as I am well rested. I have the clarity of mind to focus on tasks in 30 minute intervals (max) and so slowly and patiently I have begun to explore my creativity.

Moving forward into 2014 and beyond, I am hoping to define what and who the best ME is.

I am mindful of my physical limitations and hope to be able to increase my ability to participate in physical activities such as walking, riding, swimming and weight bearing exercises. However, I accept that this might be a very long and drawn out process.

Mentally, I hope to find a balance in life where my ability to focus is such that I’m able to work to some extent (even part time) and still participate in my creative activities I am beginning to surround myself with, such as writing, sewing, painting and drawing.

Spiritually, I will continue to focus on finding peace and contentment in my life and finding balance and connection between mind and body. I am still struggling with the idea of putting my needs and myself first. I must find a way to balance my desire to please and help others and keep the peace with what I know deep inside that I need in my life to make it complete.

This is a journey I am on and it has only just begun. I will find a way to manage my conditions so that I can live a fulfilling and purposeful life of peace and contentment.

Thank you for taking the time to read my awakening story and joining me on this journey. If you’re interested in the rest of this challenge, please head over to Barbara’s site for a full list of participants and check out the other posts. I believe there may still be a few places available as well if you were interested in participating.

The next post is tomorrow by Pat over at Pat Inspire.

No Comments

  1. Dotta Raphels January 15, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    Hello Megan 🙂 Happy New year.
    What an incredible woman you are 🙂

    Yes, it’s a learning process, being able to focus on oneself and learn how to put YOU first sometimes. I’m so happy for you that you have love and support in this turbulent journey, I know it helps :).

    Yoga is one of the most beautiful gifts of life, I’m so happy you found it, and with it; you’ll only learn even more about yourself , both spiritually and physically.
    One day at a time I say :). peace always.

    • Megan S January 15, 2014 at 4:24 pm

      Thank you Dotta. The support is definitely important to me.

  2. barbarafranken January 15, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Megan you are such a magnificent lady… thank you so much for sharing your story… sometimes it is so annoying that to find that missing part we have to endure such pain that stops us in our tracks… and what do you know… that missing part is right under our nose, always been there and always will… I like to say its LOVE waiting to be connected to… Our love of self which is so important and the core to ALL… I know that for myself and many other older people it has taken 20 – 30 years to realise this… but you are proving that it is happening in a quantum leap now.. if we choose to allow ourself to unfold and be loved… Self Love will take you everywhere… thanks again Megan, Barbara

    • Megan S January 15, 2014 at 8:12 pm

      Thank you Barbara, I definitely feel that the things you experience definitely help you in defining yourself.

  3. meticulousmick January 15, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    Megan, you say that “I am still struggling with the idea of putting my needs and myself first”. You are not alone, but recognising it is a massive step IMHO. The truth is you are getting there. Thanks for sharing and may your journey be fun, MM 🍀

    • Megan S January 15, 2014 at 8:14 pm

      You’re welcome! Thank you for your feedback 🙂

  4. Wildflower Women January 16, 2014 at 8:41 am

    Wishing you the best on your journey of healing and recovery and thank you for sharing your story!

    • Megan S January 16, 2014 at 8:50 am

      Your welcome. Thank you for your well wishes.

  5. Sue Dreamwalker January 17, 2014 at 1:09 am

    Megan thank you for sharing your journey… Life often throws us a few obstacles to climb over.. and gives us some tests and challenges.. So too I was diagnosed finally in 2002 with FMS.. and was like you struck down in pain and fatigue.. I had six months whereby I reviewed my life, and set about healing myself internally.. I cleared out the clutter of guilt, and sorrow and yes lots of self pity.. I paid attention to ME.. as I listened to my gut… and slowly I healed.. Now I am 100% better than I was , and I know you are one determined young lady, who is not going to let this illness beat you…
    Healing comes from listening to your heart, and learning to follow it… I am sure as your journey is just beginning, you will make it one well travelled… Much love and healing thoughts your way as you experience your own moving on in 2014 as you allow those energies in to make you whole..

    Blessings and thank you for sharing your story.. xx Sue

  6. shamanictracker January 25, 2014 at 4:44 am

    Hey Megan, it’s nice to get to know you through this challenge! Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly, also things that are not easy for you.
    From my own experience, how we define ourselves totally affects our well being. It’s great that you do not define yourself by the chronic illness but you use it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Physical illness is often the last cry of our soul, it’s us missing on all other ‘soul calls’ being forced to finally listen!
    It seems like you are a positive upbeat person and that you are trying teally hard. I’m sure you will make a progress and help others on the way.
    Many blessings on your journey xox

    • Megan S January 25, 2014 at 7:39 am

      Thank you! Good luck on your journey as well. 🙂

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    […] was focused on Reflection. During the month I looked back over my life and I looked at what I had been able to do since becoming ill almost a year ago […]

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