I’m participating in a challenge this month organised by Barbara from Me, My Magnificent Self. The participants in this challenge are sharing their awakening experiences. At the end of the challenge Barbara will be producing an E-book containing all of the stories. This will be available on all participating blogs.
So today I’m sharing my journey and awakening experience as my Wisdom Wednesday post…
For as long as I can remember I have had the feeling that I didn’t quite fit in where I was. I have always had my share of medical conditions having had asthma and eczema my whole life and I’ve also had my share of negative experience throughout my childhood. My parents divorced when I was still young and my siblings and I went through an extended period of upheaval as a result of this.
I think from a very early age I shut myself off from the world. Not completely, but enough that I could feel reasonably safe. I always struggled to make friends and when I did manage to I conformed with what they were doing but still felt like I was outside of the group looking in, unwanted and alone. These early experiences left me anxious and withdrawn.
When my husband and I first met I went through the same turmoil, but with his patience, support and love I believe I have gotten over my insecurities regarding our relationship and those with our friends and family. Over the past 10 years with my husband I had achieved a lot and finally built up the courage to do the things I thought I’d never do. The problem was I still had this nagging felling in my heart that my life wasn’t complete and I wasn’t really where I wanted to be.
My life was great, I had a loving husband, my health, a job I loved doing and friends and family who love us and support us, but I was still missing something.
In April 2013, my health was taken away from me and I ended up on long term sick leave due to chronic pain and fatigue. Although at first view this seemed like a disaster, as I haven’t worked since then and haven’t been able to go out with friends and family as I would like to, I have tried to see the positive in this situation.
Being unable to do much of anything for the first 4 months or so, and my brain foggy more than 80% of the time, I had a lot of time to think. I decided that this was my opportunity to look at my life and work out what my priorities are to make sure I can live the best life I can.
I have spent the past few months dismantling my life in my mind and trying to work out who I really am and what my real passions are so I can live a purposeful, fulfilling life. I have taken up the practice of daily yoga and meditation which has allowed me to focus for longer periods of time and reduce my pain levels a little. This practice has taught me to listen to my body and my soul and to be more mindful and present in the world around me.
At the moment I am capable of short walks and outings as long as I am well rested. I have the clarity of mind to focus on tasks in 30 minute intervals (max) and so slowly and patiently I have begun to explore my creativity.
Moving forward into 2014 and beyond, I am hoping to define what and who the best ME is.
I am mindful of my physical limitations and hope to be able to increase my ability to participate in physical activities such as walking, riding, swimming and weight bearing exercises. However, I accept that this might be a very long and drawn out process.
Mentally, I hope to find a balance in life where my ability to focus is such that I’m able to work to some extent (even part time) and still participate in my creative activities I am beginning to surround myself with, such as writing, sewing, painting and drawing.
Spiritually, I will continue to focus on finding peace and contentment in my life and finding balance and connection between mind and body. I am still struggling with the idea of putting my needs and myself first. I must find a way to balance my desire to please and help others and keep the peace with what I know deep inside that I need in my life to make it complete.
This is a journey I am on and it has only just begun. I will find a way to manage my conditions so that I can live a fulfilling and purposeful life of peace and contentment.
Thank you for taking the time to read my awakening story and joining me on this journey. If you’re interested in the rest of this challenge, please head over to Barbara’s site for a full list of participants and check out the other posts. I believe there may still be a few places available as well if you were interested in participating.
The next post is tomorrow by Pat over at Pat Inspire.